This isn’t about blame.
It’s about tenderness. About truth.
About slowly, gently, learning to stop chasing what was never ours to hold.
We’ve all been there. The chase. The longing. The relentless pursuit of someone who doesn’t see us the way we want to be seen.
It’s exhausting. It’s heart-breaking. And yet, we still do it. But what if I told you there’s another way? A way back to yourself.
Here’s what has helped me begin to unravel it all.
1. We Chase Familiarity, Not Love
If love once meant emotional distance, chaos, or proving your worth, guess what feels like home?
We often find ourselves drawn to what feels familiar—even if it’s toxic or unfulfilling—because it’s what we know.
💡 Get curious about what “love” looked like growing up. Was it safe? Conditional? Absent? Awareness is the first step toward healing.
2. Unavailability Is Magnetic to the Wounded Inner Child
It’s a painful truth: the more unavailable someone is, the more we chase them.
Why? Because our wounded inner child wants to “win” the love that was always withheld.
💡 Inner child work is essential here. Place your hand on your heart and whisper: “You don’t have to earn love anymore.”
3. Rejection Replays a Script
The script that says, You’re not enough. Try harder. Be better. Earn it.
We replay these lines from the past, but here’s the truth: If they don’t choose me, that’s information. Not evidence of my worth.
💡 Start rewriting that narrative. You are more than someone’s acceptance or rejection.
4. Sometimes, Chasing Is Easier Than Receiving
Chasing feels familiar, but receiving love feels vulnerable. It’s easier to chase, to earn, to hustle than to simply let ourselves be loved.
💡 Let yourself soften into receiving. Whether it’s a compliment, a hug, or even a ‘how are you?’ without deflection. You deserve to be loved freely.
5. We Confuse Intensity with Intimacy
We often confuse drama with devotion, and anxiety with connection. But true intimacy feels peaceful, calm, and safe.
💡 Notice what feels peaceful and unfamiliar. Maybe that’s what real connection looks like. It’s not meant to be chaotic.
6. They Don’t Need to Be a Villain
They’re not a villain; they’re just not your match. Not your medicine. And that’s okay.
💡 Let them go without needing a villain story. “They’re not mine” can be a soft, sacred release.
7. Self-Worth Isn’t Found in Someone Else’s Mirror
We don’t need someone else’s approval to know our worth.
💡 Mirror work is powerful: Daily affirmations like, “I belong to me,” help us build a deep connection with our own self-worth, outside of anyone else’s gaze.
8. The Deepest Healing Comes When We Choose the Ones Who Choose Us
Healing doesn’t come from performing or chasing someone who doesn’t see us. It comes from allowing ourselves to be seen and loved for exactly who we are.
💡 Practice being fully seen where it’s safe. Let love feel boring, calm, and holy. The right love won’t need to be earned.
🤍 Ready to Come Home to Yourself?
If this feels tender for you right now—know you’re not alone.
If you’re on the edge of letting go, this is your sign.
You are worthy of love that stays, that softens, that meets you where you are.
What helped you stop chasing? Let’s talk about it. Share your journey with me in the comments below.
💫 If you’re ready to stop chasing, to soften into love, and to finally come home to yourself, I’d love to invite you to join the Slow Secrets Tribe.
Slow Secrets Tribe is a space where we nurture, support, and explore how to embody self-love and real connection.
You can find out more and join us here: slow-secrets-tribe.kit.com/starthere
We’re better together.
With love,
Julie 💖
