Perched atop the rugged hug of an aged log, I find myself gazing into the vast tapestry of the valley below, and I’m struck by an epiphany. A myriad of experiences, once unnoticed, now unveil themselves before me with acute precision. Today, on Day 6 of our Vipassana retreat, the intricate dance of life is no longer a blur, but a sequence of deliberate and beautiful movements.
A white butterfly flutters past, an unsuspecting muse in this theatre of awakening. Close on its gossamer wings, a black butterfly trails, painting a poignant metaphor for the duality of life. The form of the valley lays cradled by nature’s touch, with waterways nurturing thick foliage and the sturdy roots of trees anchoring the soil, preventing its descent down the slope. The canopy of leaves casts dappled shadows, a natural parasol against the harshness of the sun. In these moments, I am reminded – nature is not just magnificent; she is the ultimate architect of balance and harmony.
It dawns upon me how rarely we allow ourselves to witness nature’s slumber, to become intimate with her diurnal rituals. Our lives are a frenetic rush towards the next thing, our minds a battleground, terrified of the stillness that might birth boredom. But not here. Not now. These ten days are a gift – a pause that has rekindled the embers of joy within my soul.
In this sanctuary of serenity, even the unexpected stirs of a wet dream do not perturb the peace that has settled in my core. And though I may navigate between wakefulness and naps, there is no shame, only the natural ebb and flow of the human experience. I am at peace, even amidst the surprise of nocturnal ecstasies.
With every passing day, the full magnitude of this experience sinks in. Far from numbing our emotions, we are here to observe them, to differentiate between the act of suppressing and the art of witnessing. Is it spiritual brainwashing (brain obviously doubting the technique)? Or is it the cultivation of a discerning mirror within ourselves, reflecting back only what is essential?
As I succumb to an almost 40-minute meditation, I emerge to find that my inner landscape has shifted. Laying in Shavasana on my modest bed, I ponder what has transformed. It feels like more than just the shedding of old patterns – it’s a reprogramming of my essence, a return to the original state of my being.
This mental detox has been nothing short of blissful, liberating, and profoundly peaceful. It’s the power of pause, an ode to living slowly and deeply. Through physical discomfort, I’ve accessed layers of emotional pain, observing them with the patience of a gardener pulling weeds from the soil.
The struggle is real, unequivocally hard. Yet, as sensations of pain, itching, and sweat recede, I am catapulted into a state of universal bliss, a planetary ecstasy that resonates with the principles of Tantra. Sixty minutes motionless, observing sensations – from agony to ecstasy.
We learn that craving or aversion should not guide us, only wisdom (Panna) and an equanimous understanding of annicca – the impermanence of all things.
One poignant lesson surfaces: to let others live their lives while we live ours. The fixation on sensation, whether craving or aversion, leads to a cycle of misery, perpetuated by Sankaras – mental impressions. Our dependency on alcohol, drugs, sex, and myriad other escapes only multiplies this pain.
How do we liberate ourselves? We observe. We sit on the metaphorical bench by the river of our consciousness, watching the water flow, ceasing to create new reactions, new Sankaras, allowing old impressions to dissolve in the stream of awareness.
During this retreat, I’ve confronted the uninvited guests of a weak mind, doubts, and metaphorical enemies lurking within. They’ve overstayed, and now it’s time for them to leave. We do this by cultivating a disciplined mind, a haven for peace and clarity.
From the Golden 10k center in India to wherever you are in the world, the practice of Vipassana offers a gateway to this peace. It is the realization that the mind’s turmoil can only be calmed by the mind itself – through observation, through the profound art of doing nothing but witnessing the ebb and flow of existence.
With every breath, every minute of stillness, we’re not just meditating; we’re rewiring the circuitry of our being, paving the way for a life of equanimity and profound joy.
To all those who journey within, know that the path is long, and at times arduous, but every step, every breath, is a step closer to freedom.
With love and clarity,
Julie
