Here’s what I’ve learned about love:
It doesn’t fall apart because people stop talking.
It falls apart because they stop talking true.
They talk around things. Over things. At each other instead of to each other.
They perform communication—saying all the right words in all the right ways—while the real thing, the vulnerable thing, stays buried beneath layers of protection and politeness and the desperate need to not rock the boat.
Couple communication isn’t about talking more.
It’s about talking truer.
Softer. Clearer. From that deep place beneath the ego where real connection actually lives.
It’s Not About the Words
The more I witness couples (and let’s be honest, the more I witness myself stumbling through love), the more I see:
Communication is less about finding the perfect words and more about the energy we speak from.
Are we speaking from fear or from trust?
From defensiveness or from openness?
From the need to be right or from the desire to be close?
The words matter less than the place they’re coming from.
Here’s what keeps love alive when everything else wants to let it die:
1. Slow Down Before You Speak
This is the one no one wants to do because it feels impossible in the heat of the moment.
But it changes everything.
Take a breath. Place a hand on your heart.
Let your nervous system settle for just ten seconds before you let the words out.
Because when you speak from a triggered, activated place, you’re not speaking your truth—you’re speaking your wound. And your wound will always choose protection over connection.
Let the words come from truth, not reaction.
2. Use “I Feel…” Instead of “You Always…”
It’s wild how quickly love softens when we speak from vulnerability instead of blame.
“You always shut down” puts someone on the defensive.
“I feel scared when we stop talking” opens a door.
One closes the conversation before it starts.
The other invites them in.
3. Listen Without Preparing Your Reply
This might be the hardest practice of all.
Just… listen.
Not to fix. Not to defend. Not to prepare your brilliant counterargument while they’re still mid-sentence.
To understand.
To actually hear what they’re trying to say beneath the clumsy words, the frustration, the fear that’s making them sound harsher than they mean to.
Most of us don’t need our partner to solve the problem.
We just need to know they’re here.
4. Ask For Clarity Instead of Assuming
We write entire novels in our heads about what they meant, what they’re thinking, what they’re about to do.
And then we react to the story we invented instead of the reality in front of us.
“Can you help me understand what you meant?”
This one sentence can save days—sometimes months—of miscommunication and resentment.
It’s the difference between spiraling alone and actually connecting.
5. Share Needs, Not Demands
There’s a world of difference between:
“You never give me enough attention” (demand, wrapped in blame)
and
“I need more closeness right now. Can we spend some time together tonight?” (need, spoken gently)
Needs spoken gently create intimacy.
Demands create pressure, obligation, resentment—the slow poison that kills what you’re trying to protect.
Try it:
“I need reassurance.”
“I need space.”
“I need to feel connected to you.”
No blame. No accusation. Just honesty about what your heart is asking for.
6. Check In Regularly
Don’t wait for things to fall apart before you talk about how they’re going.
Create a ritual. A weekly one. Simple.
Tea on Sunday morning. A walk after dinner on Wednesdays. A slow evening with phones put away.
And you ask:
“How is your heart?”
“How are we?”
“What do we need right now?”
Not as an interrogation. As an invitation to stay connected instead of drifting apart without noticing.
It’s a Practice, Not a Performance
Communication isn’t something you master and then check off the list.
It’s a practice. One you’ll mess up. One you’ll have to come back to again and again.
It’s a practice of presence, humility, and emotional honesty.
And when couples learn to speak from the heart—not perfectly, but truly—everything shifts:
Conflicts soften.
Tenderness deepens.
Both people feel seen instead of judged.
It’s not about being perfect.
It’s about being real—together.
About choosing vulnerability over self-protection.
About trusting that the mess of honesty is better than the prison of politeness.
About remembering that you’re on the same side, even when it doesn’t feel like it.
If you’re ready to learn how to communicate from the heart—in your relationships and with yourself—I’m here. I’m teaching the practices that create real intimacy instead of just the appearance of it.
👉 Start your journey here and discover what becomes possible when you finally stop performing and start connecting for real.
