Today, as I embarked on my second day of the Vipassana retreat, I found myself immersed in a deep sense of stillness. The noble silence enveloped me, causing the hair on my face to rise in reverence for the profound journey that lay ahead. It was as if my brain paused, creating a space for introspection and self-discovery.
As I delved deeper into my practice, I couldn’t help but confront the unresolved pain that resided within me. Thoughts of my father and the strained relationships within my family came to the forefront, evoking a sense of great sadness. Simultaneously, I realized that my mother’s struggles with problems, telling me I had problems with men, and money but not merely about materialistic concerns. Instead, they reflected a longing for equal love and attention, which transcended the confines of monetary gains.
Amidst these revelations, I pondered upon the notion of truth and its inherent relevance in my journey. I couldn’t help but consider the impact of inheritance, particularly in dad’s many wives cases. Moreover, the role played by my brother, my mother, in shaping our family dynamics became evident, prompting a myriad of reflections. We live in the house of mirrors, constantly triggering each other. I can hear the teacher’s word bring calmth to my soul— experience real peace, real harmony, real happiness.
The wisdom and intelligence that permeated the atmosphere of the retreat felt both liberating and daunting. Being aware of the pain that resides within, I realized that it is imperative to acknowledge and understand what causes us hurt. Some wounds run so deep that they seem unforgivable, reaching a point where something within us breaks, seemingly beyond repair. At this juncture, it becomes crucial to take a moment and pause.
In the stillness and solitude of the retreat, I discovered the value of rest. Like immersing oneself in white, fluffy clouds, my thoughts began to drift away. With each passing moment, the clouds transformed into an extraordinary white quilt, providing a fresh and clean bed for my weary soul. This bed, made of the finest Egyptian cotton and king koil beds, beckoned me to roll in its pleasure, embracing the infinite possibilities that lay ahead.
Observing my breath served as a reminder that my mind often becomes a prisoner of its own patterns, trapping me in a cycle of misery. It begged the question, Why? Why do I subject myself to this inner turmoil? With each passing breath, I affirmed my dislike for this state of mind and body, summoning the courage to delve deeper into self-understanding.
The pursuit of happiness, in its purest form, lies in dissecting the mind. Sitting in silence, I found solace in the act of writing, pouring my thoughts onto paper, and unraveling the intricacies of my being. It was in this stillness that I came to understand the essence of knowing oneself.
Day 2 of Vipassana served as a catalyst to uncovering the source of my negativity. It no longer remained elusive; it was within my grasp. Armed with this knowledge, I delved further into my practice, forging a path towards pure happiness. As I sat in silence and observed the sensations within, I became acutely aware of the immense power that lies within each breath.
In the style of Julie Spark, I invite you to embark on this magnificent journey of self-discovery. Allow yourself to bathe in the tranquility of noble silence, embrace the discomfort, and uncover the source of your own negativity. Through introspection, we can pave the way for a life infused with profound peace and unwavering happiness.
