“Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe it’s about un-becoming everything that isn’t really you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.”
― Paulo Coelho
Lauren and I have been examining this phrase on an intimate level, in Slow Intimacy, it almost feels like we must unlearn everything that we have ever learned intimately so that we step into this white slate, and from nothingness become who we were meant to be in the first place.
Start off with the beginning, just as simple as touch and eye contact…
We are constantly reinventing ourselves, we transform, like a butterfly.
We are constantly reinventing ourselves, we transform, like a butterfly.
Our goal is to help you lead a more pleasure filled life.
What takes you away from pleasure?
How can we rewire our brains?
Who were we before Covid, and what did Covid do for us?
In the specific example of my life, I was an accomplished entrepreneur. The tourism industry stopped from one day to the next, because of Covid. For two long years, and counting. Our finances went in freefall.
One day I woke up and I ask myself: Now that you’ve lost everything, what is it that you really want to do?
I gave it a lot of thought, and I eventually decided to embrace my lifelong dream and become a writer.
I wake up in the morning and my heart is filled with joy and inspiration. I love what I do. I learn to contemplate and understand the lessons of life and translate them into a universal level to pay it forward.
How can I transform and make a living in this brand-new situation? There is this cute restaurant that opened on the island during Covid. They called themselves Lockdown Kitchen and they started thriving during the pandemic. It is possible to start something new and successful during a global pandemic. If Heri and is wife were able to do it, so can we!
What do we stand for?
– Positive Vibration
These are the three doors that we live our lives through. If it doesn’t go through one of these three doors, it is not who we are. We have been practicing how to decide NOT to lose it… How to NOT let our emotions get the better of us. How to disattach from the outbursts.
Lauren felt proud of herself and how she reacted to getting cut off in traffic, getting yelled at. Yet she didn’t lose her temper, she didn’t even allow the situation to trigger any emotion. She simply replied, I do not know you, sir, you do not have the right to yell at me, please get back in your car.
Calm is a Superpower
We are here to talk about intimacy, in the book Slow Intimacy. We cover:
– The first orgasms
– Sex education in the past, and how we are (or should be) able to talk about it today
– The four different types of intimacy
– Intimacy practices within tribes,…
Let’s start with what tribe in Polynesia, practices slow sex. Polynesians are comfortable with nudity, they walk around dressed in flowers, but the breasts are out in the open. Children grow up seeing this and they are okay with it, their sexual cravings are under control.
The slow sex approach to sexuality is focused on pleasure rather than orgasm-oriented “junk sex” that’s last 20 minutes tops. I spend a part of the year in Indonesia, Bali is one of my homes, it is the biggest Muslim country in the world and sex is taboo.
But if there is one thing that I have learned, managing a team of fantastic Indonesian people for over 10 years, it is that the jokes, in reality, are always about sex. I can hear them bursting out laughing in the kitchen, and the jokes were always about intimacy.
We are all big children in the end, and if we’re not allowed to speak about something well… It is most likely that thing that we speak about it all the time. On the other hand, if it’s out in the open, our relationship with it changes and it develops a more respectful relationship with it, sacred sexuality, like in Polynesia. in full consciousness…
That is a nice example of a tribe that we can learn from. I go through different tribes throughout the book, I find where things come from to understand them and let them evolve dfferently in our life.
Well it all started with Jay-El, ha! My father… Ha! My dad is a white African, he was born in central Africa. He likes to say he’s a reversed bounty, white on the outside, black on the inside.
Jay-El told me, I will not interfere with what you are writing, because I feel like you’re old enough to know now what you can and cannot write. Yet, when I was in Rwanda there was a beautiful story about fountain women. All the women in Rwanda are fountain women.
There is a little story about a queen, her husband was at war, hence she was missing something sexually. She invited her servant to come and please her. The servant was so nervous that he was shaking and he could not penetrate her. The vibration outside her lady bits birthed the Queen’s sacred water (she squirted!), a river was born, and then lake Kivu.
The tribes’ daughters are told the story by their mothers, and the tribes’ sons are told this story by their fathers. There is a Belgian man that made a documentary about it, called sacred water.
Watch Documentary here: https://sacredwater-movie.com/
He was walking the streets of Rwanda, and observed a man drying his mattress in the Sun. He innocently asked, what happened? The man replied with the most proud look, it’s my wife!
Squirting is like the holy grail of a sexual experience. It is a reference in porn. Yet, the dialogue about sex is inexistent and the first time it happens to a woman, she has no idea what’s going on, she often thinks to herself oh my God am I peeing?
You feel like an explosion of lights and it’s coming from the inside. When you have a man on the receiving end that knows whats going on, and he tells you, oh my God I love it! Then you can really fully relax into it and embody it fully!
And orgasm that comes from inside stimulation of the clitoris. Did you know the clitoris looks like this?
There is much more info on sexy anatomy in my book Slow Intimacy. Sex education for the 21st-century. The voice of the whole book is very informative but it is also funny, anecdotal, and interesting.
The human anatomy of our privates, that most of us have been walking around with our entire life but our unaware off. For 30 years we had no idea what was going on in there…
Have you ever been to a sex therapist?
My cousin is a sex therapist and she sent me a one hour video about the clitoris. My first question was, how did I not know about this? I immediately joined her sensuality seminar to learn more on the subject.
My two favorite moments were, firstly the body positivity image, that in burlesque all bodies are beautiful. It came as a revelation to me and in six days all the women at that workshop love their bodies a little more. It was a huge breakthrough. Especially for me. It changed my life.
My second favourite was how to learn, in her way, how to improve my posture and how to walk sensually. Basic simple things can change your attitude and the way you look.
Point Your Nipples to the Sky!
Be like Marilyn Monroe, you can look up all her pictures online and in every single picture she is pointing her nipples to the sky! Wake up your inner Marilyn.
Forget about the keep your back straight, what is my grandmother used to say, and switch it to today’s point your nipples to the sky. Or as Lauren likes to say it:
Eyes up and Tits to Jesus! Amen! #sogood
In yoga, when you align your body, you align your life. The movements of your pelvis are linked to your core. As soon as you center you feel your entire body change. Ask yourself the question what am I externalizing through my posture?
During the pandemic, staying at home, the full face makeup did not make any sense. Living on an island I never wear make-up, simply because of the sand, the sea, the wind, the sweating,… It makes no sense. Plus we usually have a cute little tan so we don’t really need make up because we look and feel cute.
Everything is a Question of Perception
At the seminar she made me walk in high heels, living by the sea most of the year I haven’t worn high heels in probably 10 years. She told me how to put a full face of make-up on and we did a professional shoot. Every single woman felt beautiful, a different kind of beautiful. A kind of beautiful for yourself, boosting self-esteem and asking yourself is that really me? I look so good !
If you haven’t done it yet go online and find the closest pinup boudoir shoot in your area and go to one for yourself. Or gather your best friends and suggest to them the crazy idea to do a nude shoot in the garden together with a professional photographer. We are aiming for body positivity, you’ll soon realize there’s a tin line between body positivity and light porn… Wink !
I’ve done both boudoir, pinup, and body positivity. All shoots have made me feel more and more beautiful inside and out.
That is body positivity!
Join our gathering here: https://fb.me/e/ZDqwZUtX